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another homepage dedicated to willie wonka and the chocolate factory. oompa loompa's beware.
 
 
   

Sam Beauregarde: Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka, I use them myself. They're strictly for suckers.

Willy Wonka: Don't you know what this is?
Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum!
Willy Wonka: Wrong! It's the most fabulous sensational gum in the whole world!
Violet Beauregarde: What's so fab about it?
Willy Wonka: This little piece of gum is a three course dinner.
Mr. Salt: Bull.
Willy Wonka: No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.

Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing.

Willy Wonka: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
Mrs. Teevee: That's 105 percent!

Willy Wonka: It happens every time, they all become blueberries!

Willy Wonka: Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous!

Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest.

Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.

Mr. Turkentine: Of course you don't know! You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you--and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

Willy Wonka: [singing] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be.

Willy Wonka: [singing] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it.

[Noticing signs on vats.]
Mr. Salt: Wonka! Butterscotch? Buttergin? You running something on the side here?
Willy Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!

Violet Beauregarde: What is this, a freak out?

Willy Wonka: Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

Sam Beauregarde: What is this Wonka, some kind of funhouse?
Willy Wonka: Why? Are you having fun?

Willy Wonka: We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams.

Willy Wonka: So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Veruca Salt: [singing] I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now.

Augustus Gloop: I feel very sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him a fortune in fudge.

Willy Wonka: A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Sam Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!

Tinker: Up the airy mountain, down the rushing glen, we dare not go a hunting, for fear of little men! You see, nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out!

Willy Wonka: No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall. But it's the only way if you want it just... right.

Willy Wonka: The suspense is terrible... I hope it lasts.

Willy Wonka: There's no earthly way of knowing / Which direction we are going / There's no knowing where we're rowing / Or which way the river's flowing / Is it raining? / Is it snowing? / Is a hurricane a-blowing? / Not a speck of light is showing / So the danger must be growing / Are the fires of hell a-glowing? / Is the grisly reaper mowing? / Yes, the danger must be growing / 'Cause the rowers keep on rowing / And they're certainly not showing / Any signs that they are slowing!

Willy Wonka: Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, and not a drop to drink... yet.

Willy Wonka: If the good Lord had intended us to walk he wouldn't have invented roller-skates.

Willy Wonka: Everything inside is eatable, I mean edible, I mean you can eat everything.

Charlie Bucket: What was that we just went through?
Willy Wonka: Hsawaknow.
Mrs. Teevee: Is that Japanese?
Willy Wonka: No, that's Wonkawash spelled backwards.

Willy Wonka: So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

Veruca Salt: I want it now, daddy.

Veruca Salt: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy.
Mr. Salt: I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.
Veruca Salt: All right. Where is it? Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart. I'm not a magician! Give me time!
Veruca Salt: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?
Mr. Salt: For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flavored chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!
Veruca Salt: Make them work nights!

Veruca Salt: They don't want to find it. They're jealous of me.
Mr. Salt: Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder; 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling; 760,000 they've done so far.
Veruca Salt: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!
Mrs. Salt: You're going to be very unpopular around here, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
Mr. Salt: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.
Veruca Salt: You're a rotten, mean father! You never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school until I have it.
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?

Mrs. Gloop: My son! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!
Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!
Mrs. Gloop: Why?!
Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow rooom! It goes to the fudge room!
Mrs. Gloop: You terrible man!

Willy Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.
[To an Oompa Loompa.]
Willy Wonka: To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.
Mrs. Teevee: To the taffy-pulling room?!
[Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka.]
Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible.

Grandpa Joe: Mister Wonka?
Willy Wonka: I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe: I was just wondering about the chocolate. The lifetime supply of chocolate? For Charlie? When does he get it?
Willy Wonka: He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe: Why not?
Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
Willy Wonka: Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if -- and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy -- "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... "Memo bis punitor delicatum"! It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!
Grandpa Joe: You're a crook! You're a cheat and a swindler! How could you do a thing like this, raise up a little boy's hopes and then dash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!
Willy Wonka: I said good day!

Willy Wonka: And Charlie: don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he'd ever wished for.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

Grandpa Joe: If she's a lady, then I'm a Vermicious Knid!

Mr. Salt: Quite a nice little canoe you got there, Wonka.
Willy Wonka: All I ask is for a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard everybody!
Mr. Salt: Ladies first and that means Veruca.
Grandpa Joe: If she's a lady, I'm a Vernicious Knid.

Mr. Salt: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose?
Willy Wonka: They're not for sale.
Mr. Salt: Name your price.
Willy Wonka: She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Who says I can't?!
Mr. Salt: The man with the funny hat.

Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?
Willy Wonka: Well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they?

Willy Wonka: [singing] In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding, a-ding, a-ding. Sweet lovers love the spring.

Violet Beauregarde: [While sticking her finger up her nose & digging] . Spitting's a nasty habit.
Willy Wonka: [Glaring at her] I know a worse one.

Reporter: Four down, one to go and somewhere out there a lucky person is moving closer and closer to the most sought after prize in history. Though we cannot help but envy whoever he is, and we may feel bitter but we must remember there are more important things, many more important things. Though offhand I cannot think of what they are but I'm sure there must be something.

Detective: Mrs. Curtis, did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case of Wonka Bars!
Mrs. Curtis: How long will they give me to think it over?

Willy Wonka: Now over here I have something rather special to show you.
Mr. Salt: It's special alright, I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one.

Willy Wonka: Well... Two naughty, nasty little children gone... Three good, sweet little children still here...

Sam Beauregarde: Come on, Violet. We're getting out of here.
Willy Wonka: Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've got to go forwards to go back, better press on.

[Talking about the Everlasting Gobstopper]
Willy Wonka: Everybody has had one and one is enough for anybody.

[Mr. Wonka puts sneakers into a vat.]
Mr. Salt: What's that for?
Willy Wonka: Gives it a little kick.

Grandpa Joe: Good morning! Look at the sun!

Mike Teevee: Where are you taking me? I don't wanna go in there! Hey, let me out, it's dark in here! Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out! I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything!

[Willy Wonka greets Charlie and Grandpa Joe at the gates of the WONKA factory]
Willy Wonka: And who is this gentleman?
Charlie Bucket: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.
Willy Wonka: [shaking Grandpa Joe's hand] Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced. Are we ready? Yes, good. In we go.

Mrs. Gloop: [Augustus is drowning] Help! He can't swim!
Willy Wonka: There's no better time to learn.

Charlie Bucket: He'll never get out.
Grandpa Joe: Yes, he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember when you once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?

Mr. Turkentine: You, Winkelmann, come here. Do you know what's happening?
Winkelmann: Mr. Wonka's opening his factory. He's going to let people in.
Mr. Turkentine: Are you sure?
Winkelmann: It's on the radio! He's giving truckloads of chocolate away!
Mr. Turkentine: Class dismissed. (Mr. Turkentine starts to put on his coat).
Winkelmann: No, no! It's only for five people!
Mr. Turkentine: Class undismissed. (Mr. Turkentine starts to take off his coat).
Winkelmann: He sent out five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize.
Mr. Turkentine: Where's he hidden the tickets?
Winkelmann: Inside five Wonka bars. You've got to buy Wonka bars to find them.
Mr. Turkentine: Class re-dismissed!

Mrs Gloop: Don't just stand there do something!
Willy Wonka: [sarcastically] Help! Police! Murder!

Sam Beauregarde: I'M GETTING EVEN WITH YOU FOR THIS, WONKA, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!
[Sulkily]
Sam Beauregarde: I've got a blueberry for a daughter.

Augustus Gloop: Let me in! I'm starving!
Willy Wonka: Now, don't get excited. Don't lose your head, Augustus. We wouldn't want anybody to lose that!

Reporter: So, ya like the killins, huh?
Mike Teevee: What do you think life's all about?

Mike Teevee: Boy, what a great show!
Mrs. Teevee: I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's never even been to the table!

Mike Teevee: Wait 'til I get a real one! Colt 45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will ya, pop?
Mr. Teevee: Not 'til you're 12, son.

Charlie Bucket: [to Grandpa Joe] You know...I'll bet those golden tickets make the chocolate taste terrible.

Sam Beauregarde: What business are you in, Salt?
Mr. Salt: Nuts.

Violet Beauregarde: Well, normally, I'm a gum chewer. But when I heard about these ticket things of Wonka's, I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars, instead. Now, of course, I'm right back on gum! I chew it all day, except at mealtimes when I stick it behind my ear.
Mrs. Beauregarde: Now, Violet-
Violet Beauregarde: Cool it, Mother! Now, this little piece of gum I've been chewing on for three months solid. That's a world record! It's beaten the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And, WAS she mad! Hi, Cornelia! How are ya, Sweetie?

Charlie Bucket: It's perfect!
Mrs. Teevee: It's unbelievable!
Grandpa Joe: It's a miracle!
Mike Teevee: It's a TV dinner!
Willy Wonka: It's Wonkavision.
Grandpa Joe: It could change the world!

Mike Teevee: Look at me! I'm gonna be the first person in the world to be sent by television!
Mrs. Teevee: Mike, get away from that thing!
Willy Wonka: [sarcastically] Stop! Don't! Come back!
Mike Teevee: Lights. Camera. ACTION!!!

[After Mike appears on the screen]
Grandpa Joe: The little grub is getting smaller by the minute!

Mrs. Gloop: Aye! Mr. Wonka help I'm getting squooshed!
Willy Wonka: Is it my soul that calls me by my name?





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